Better then me
by imslytherinatheart
Summary: Severus reflects on his relationship with Hermione. song fic. just a one shot


A/N: song is Better then me by Hinder. The song is done in bold and his memories are in the italics.

Severus sat in his black leather chair, staring at the fire roaring in the fire place with a fire whiskey in hand. Two months had passed since he ended the relationship with Hermione, Two months of sleepless nights , two months of regret for pushing the one person that loved him despite his faults, from his life. When he broke it off with her, he thought he was doing her a favor, but seeing her walking through the halls, or at the great hall for meals, proved she was just as miserable as he was.

**I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe**

"_Severus, How can you say you don't love me? After everything." she sobbed_

"_I just don't, now leave my chambers and go find a wizard who will." He shouted_

**Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be**

"_Just leave it in my rooms, that way you always have one here." He said as she started to shove her nightgown into her robe pocket._

"_Do you plan on having me here often?" She asked with a smirk_

"_As often as possible." He replied while placing a kiss on her forehead_

**I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you**

"_For a small witch, your body sure is warm." He commented as he pulled her closer to his body, wrapping an arm around her._

"_I feel safe when I'm with you Severus, I guess my body just responds to the comfort you give."_

**I really miss your hair in my face**

_Severus woke feeling like he was being attacked by a hair monster, "You really should try to tame that hair." he said with a laugh._

"_I like my hair, bushy or not, it's part of me, it's who I am" she replied with a grunt_

**And the way your innocence tastes**

"_I've never done this before." she said in a weak voice, slightly afraid of what was happening_

"_I'll go gentle, I promise, I would never hurt you." he replied while kissing her neck again_

**And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**

"_Does it matter what I want?" she asked through her tears_

"_You don't know what you want, you need someone without the past I have."_

"_But I want you Severus, only you." she said with passion._

"_You can't have me... you just cant." he replied, feeling his heart break into a million pieces._

**While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took**

"_What are you doing with that camera?" she asked as she hid her face behind a book_

"_I want a picture I can have with me forever." He replied _

"_Just one, my hair is a mess today." She smiled_

"_When is it not."_

**That you were looking for**

"_If you really want me out of your life then I want that picture."_

"_I don't know where the picture is, If I find it I will give it to you."_

**If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room**

"_First you bring me to this teenage muggle hell, now you want to shag me in this dressing room?" he asked not believing what she was saying._

"_Oh your such a prude, just put a silencing charm and we'll be fine." she said as she pushed him against the wall._

**I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you**

"_Have you ever felt content, just sitting next to someone?" she asked as they cuddled on the couch near the fire_

"_I do right now." he replied as he pulled her closer_

**I really miss your hair in my face**

"_Can you tie that nest up before we go to sleep, I don't feel like be suffocated by it again."_

"_Will you quit picking on my hair?"_

"_Never" he laughed_

**And the way your innocence tastes**

"_Does it hurt every time?" she asked with silent tears in her eyes_

"_No just the first time. The pain will go in a few minutes."_

**And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**

" _I don't deserve you Hermione, You deserve someone younger, someone who hasn't done the things I've done."_

"_Shouldn't it be my choice of who I'm with? I don't want anyone else, I want you." she yelled_

"_I would never work out." he said while looking to the ground_

"_Your right, it wont because you wont allow us a fair chance. Everyone else is giving it a chance, including Dumbledore."_

"_Dumbledore is a fool. He thinks that I need love in my life, and with you being of age he's willing to let you give it to me."_

**The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over**

"_Your a fool Severus, Hermione could be the one to give you everything you missed out on in life." _

"_Albus, I know what she can give me, but I want her to have what she deserves. Theres no need to tie her down to an evil, old man."_

"_Your not and evil, old man. You did what you had to do for everyones sake. You deserve happiness too."_

"_I deserve nothing Albus, absolutely nothing."_

**And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end**

Severus stood and threw his glass against the fireplace, the amber liquid going everywhere mixed in the shards of glass. "I need to talk to her." he said to himself as he left his rooms to find her.

**I really miss your hair in my face  
****And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**

"Hermione" he whispered to the woman standing at the window, looking towards the black lake.

"Severus, what are you doing here?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper with her hand proped under her chin.

"I need to talk to you, I need to tell you I'm sorry." He said in a soft voice.

"Sorry for what?" she replied coldly before turning her face back towards the lake.

"Hermione, I miss you. I thought I was doing what was best for you." He said, trying to get her to see things his way.

"You should have let me decide what was best for me. I'm smart enough to know what I want."

"I know that now. I was an idiot and I admit that. Give me another chance, Hermione, I'm miserable without you."

She turned to face him again with tears in her eyes, "One condition"

"Anything!" he replied

"You give us an honest chance. None of this you don't deserve me stuff."

"I promise to give us a fair chance, I want you with me...I love you Hermione." he replied while making his way closer to her, "and always will."

**I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
**

Hermione walked closer to Severus , who pulled her into him, burying his face into her hair.

"Merlin, I missed this." He said as he held her tightly against him

"I missed it too. It felt wrong sleeping by myself the last two months."

"Tonight...you sleep with me." He replied as he lifted her in his arms and carried her back to his room.

He carried her over to the bed and lay her down gently, climbing in the bed beside her.

"I missed your hair, your smell, your touch, everything." he said as he placed his lips to hers. He could feel a warm tear fall to his hand that was cupping her face.

"Why are you crying?" He asked confused

"Because I feel whole again, I feel happy." she replied

He bent back down and kissed her tears, "I'll never make that mistake again, I'll never push you away."

He kissed his way to her neck, being gentle. He wanted to make love to her, not just sex. He unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her body to him, the body he almost never saw again.

"Merlin, I missed this." he said as he kissed her stomach. He stood up and removed his clothes, never taking his eyes away from hers. He pulled her shoes off then unbuttoned her pants, pulling both the jeans and knickers down at the same time.

Her eyes locked on his again as she reached her arms out for him, "I need to feel you Severus, I need you body, your warmth."

He climbed up the bed and situated himself between her legs, bending to place his lips on hers as he slowly pushed inside her, the urge to feel each other overwhelming.

They made love for hours, touching, feeling, remembering what they had together. As they both lay exhausted, tightly wrapped in each others arms, Severus leaned to whisper in her ear.

"I love you Hermione."

"I love you too." she replied as she drifted to a peaceful sleep, once again feeling safe and content in his arms.


End file.
